Another day, another show. My first ever ballet show actually. I’m trying to appreciate the little time I have left on the stage but there’s something stopping me from doing so.
It’s like a drug. You do a show to feed your addiction but it doesn’t fill you, it leaves you hungrier for more. I want to be able to do shows without the familiar feeling of knowing it’s going to end soon.
It’s also the first show I’ve done without any of my best friends which, for me, is a pretty big deal. I used to depend on them for everything- but mostly for emotional security. Is this it? Have I finally gained enough confidence to do things for myself, without their support and approval? In one way, I hope so, but something inside me still wants their social guidance.
I don’t fit in with the people in this show. I’m not a ballerina, not really. But one thing is for sure- I belong on that stage. I know I do. Do I?