Ben got stuck in an elevator right after I told him about ben and how I felt like he’s an older version of him and i’m atoning for winter. Not only that but I ran into the elevator repair mechanic as I was leaving for lunch and I had a sudden jolt of fear that it was him. I stopped and talked to the mechanic for a good 5 minutes not knowing that I was delaying Ben’s and Matt’s freedom. Hah. When Ben told me what happened I kinda freaked out.
Things are going well with ben.. For now. He iced me right after a great weekend together but I was fine with it because I was dealing with my own shit and he shouldn’t be there for that. I found the way out of my own darkness that N put me through alone. As it should be done. Ben has been indecisive about what it is he wants and for a time he was frank that it wasn’t me. We still liked to hang out together and we did a few times and we always have a blast together. He was adamant that he only viewed me as a friend until last night.. When I asked him to take me home at midnight he drove past my dorm and took me to a scenic overlook. I got cold and cuddled up next to him and he looked down and gave me a big kiss. Which turned heavy fast. Yet I had to leave. It wasn’t our time yet and I wasn’t about to do something so personal with someone that wasn’t sure if he wants to be with me. Lots of crazy things happened that night and I am happy with where things are at. Even if nothing occurs out of last night I think its cool that we were able to enter each others minds the way we did.