1. You asked what we were and instead of saying nothing, I changed the subject. You kept trying to hold my hand and I couldn’t help but cry. You didn’t understand why. I couldn’t form sentences to tell you how my heart was breaking because we were no longer what we once were.
2. I kept relapsing into you. I couldn’t let our memories go and I could not face the ugly truth that our love was beautiful, but it was never meant to last because I have never met somebody so wrong for me.
3. It was the end.
4. I thought I could bury the memory of our love under everything I couldn’t stand about you. I started with how you never cut your hair often enough. Then it was your lack of ambition. How you never understood my inner child. The disrespect of your friends. Your bad habits. Finally I finished by telling myself the bad outweighed the good.
5. I kissed somebody else and let them undress my body so I could forget how it felt when you touched me. I replaced your gentle caress with purple bites. I traded waking up to your face for leaving a stranger’s house at 4am. I blocked your goodmorning texts for meaningless conversation with a meaningless face.
6. You can’t escape the pain of losing someone who has been apart of your soul, whether it was for a month or for two years. I thought I buried our love deep enough to never be dug up, but three weeks later I was wrecked with grief when I found your old flannel in the back of my closet.
7. For a week I missed everything about you. No matter how busy I kept myself, I found time to drive past your work everyday. I cried instead of calling you and a few times I almost boxed everything you gave me up and dropped it off at your house just for a reason to see you. I was overcome with how much I longed for you. That week was the worst.
8. I’ve stopped focusing so much on missing you and started focusing more on healing myself. I see now the beauty in losing you is the power to reinvent myself and to be my own soulmate.
9. I will always love you.