i slept again

only about 7 hours this time but hey i’ll take it. i’m probably about to get sick though (shrugs) not like that’s not something i’m used to, right?Chris and Branden haven’t left yet. so much for 530 huh? car’s still sitting right there.

had a weird dream last night early in the night that precluded me going astral damnit. (being able to go astral a few nights a month is literally the ONLY time i’m in NO pain at all because i left THAT shit behind on the bed.) ……

someone kept trying to force their way into my flat, so i stood beside the door and unlocked it, then grabbed the little asshat as he rushed through. Justin. big shock. i transformed into my snow leopard woman character and tore his throat out ‘that’s what you GET for getting in the way of my little field trip tonight, asshole!’ carried the corpse out onto my balcony and threw it down into the street. (whups bucket pause. see? toldja i was gonna hurl) and then-still in the dream mind you!- i said ‘damn it’s too hot for fur’ shifted back to human (or something resembling it snickerrr) and went and lay back down on the futon. ‘now i really owe that fucker for wrecking 1 of my few chances to get out of here for the month. ah well. alright. sit up you and TURN THE PAGE!’

that last was said in a tone of command as it is a cantrip. what does it do? makes my unconcious body sit bolt upright without waking and literally turn around to face the opposite way taking pillows etc with me and lay back down. keeps me from getting sucked back into whatever dream i was having and not liking.yup. i’m a lucid dreamer. i’m damn good at it too. i can tell myself what to dream and i will.

what happened last night then? oh i did get to dream what i wanted, i just couldn’t get up and out because sitting up and moving that way is pretty painful and wrecks the delicate zen state i have to spend several hours in advance of bedtime putting myself into so i CAN lift out. i was feeling the wiggle huh? oh. okay. if you’ve never gone astral before, when you do it conciously (oh fuck off spell check. i just spent 1/2 an hour puking lay off) there’s sort of  wiggle/flutter as you sort of peel loose of your outer shell. 1ce i’ve done THAT, it’s check the cord (though honestly, i’m not sure why i even fucking bother anymore. let the fucking thing snap and free me from this.) and try to sit up. if i can sit up OUT of my shell then i’ve got it and i can tuck my feet under me and push off like i’m pushing off from the bottom of the deep end in a pool and shoot off skyward. if it DOESN’T work, we end up with something out of a zombie flick. to sit up in bed, i fling my arms up to get momentum to sit up. so when it doesn’t work you get out flung arms with claws for hands reaching skyward, eyes popping open, groaning because i know i’ve lost my chance for another night. see? that’s the thing. as weak as i am these days? i only HAVE enough energy to MAKE 1 attempt and i make some pretty weird ass noises when i’m frustrated. gnar! rrrrrack! that sort of thing. so i’m pretty sure we end up with something resembling zombie awakening LOL especially with the green collar length hair frizzed out in every direction LOLOL (i just did the arm thing making the second noise softly to try to get the approximate sounding out of the sound and my right wrist popped. guess it wants to say hi?) ah well.

spoke to Chris just now (it’s funny. typing or writing? he’s Chris. when i SPEAK to him it’s usually Christopher with rolled r’s because i like to trill/roll r’s. it’s fun. anyone around here besides me old enough to remember the old ‘ruffles have ridges’ commercials? ‘rrrrruffles have rrrrridges. maybe they’ll come up with rrrrock candy orrrrr rrrrrrutabega’ which led to me for TWENTY FOUR YEARS responding to things i’m not sure of with a shrug and ‘rrrrrrutabega?’ i’ll see if i can’t find the old commercial andput it on my youtube channel. remember. do NOT LIKE my  channel. bookmark it? oh sure. if you like. bu t no subscribing or liking. save the likes for the people that took the time to put the videos up that i’ve collected the links to. THEY did all the real work.) and they’re fine. Chris and i both are having mildly annoying mornings and Branden wanted a shower before they left. i finally rang them up at 7 to check on them (then went down to help them LOL and meet Rick and his adorable Pit/bulldog mix Oliver. oh my Gods! such a cute dog! and so friendly! i got many doggy kisses and he seemed to recognize ‘2 extra silver legs means no jumping’ and just wagged his whole body at me.)

well, they’re off and they left me snacks and sodas and left the tv set on ID (investigation discovery…well, i did mention i’m addicted to those sorts of shows, didn’t i?) and showed me how to work the remote. they left 2 of them out for me. i for power 1 for the cable to change channels and work volume. my eyes got REAL big and panicky ‘oh nononono. don’t put them next to each other. i’ll fuck it up and press the wrong one and be stuck down here with no background noise and Noname and bear will get bored and destructive because instead of coming down during the hottest part of the day to hang out with them for an hour or so i’ll be making short checks on and off because you KNOW i loathe silence in this building. (we as in Chris and i especially need to have something low level playing at pretty much all times for background noise or we get a little overwhelmed by the chatter and clatter of everyday life in a block of flats and i will absolutely flee a silent air conditioned flat with someone cranking music overhead and stomping around <yeah YOU justin and i got news for you. there WILL be someone in residence  the whole week so you DON’t get to make noise bahahahahaha> for a non-ac’d flat that feels like a sauna where i can put on music or a film or show.

but my stomach is finally settling down a bit, so i think i’m going to get wild and crazy and have a bagel 1/2 with fish and cream cheese. and a glass of milk and watch some more of this show Built for the kill -nat. geo animal documentary series. and JUST as fucking awful and intrusive and FAKE as anything else they produce.

what?! you mean you honestly didn’t know? oh yeah. they’ve caught 7 shades of shit for that over the years and they NEVER fucking learn as this series clearly proves. for a real true nature documentary you have to pretty much hang back get out your best long view lenses and hope and pray the elements and time work in your favour. because …and let me throw on capslock here for emphasis..AHEM testing… good…. IF YOU ARE CLOSE ENOUGH TO LEAN DOWN INTO THE ANIMALS’ DEN EVEN IF THE ONLY THING ACTUALLY IN THE ANIMALS’ SPACE IS THE FUCKING LENS YOU ARE TOO CLOSE AND THE SUPPOSEDLY NATURAL BEHAVIORS YOU ARE RECORDING ARE ONLY THE NATURAL BEHAVIORS OF AN ANIMAL FREAKING THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE THERE’S A BIG BLACK PIECE OF FUCKING PLASTIC SHOVED PRACTICALLY UP IT’S NOSE!!!!!! (sigh) okay. i feel better now. seriously though. nat. geo’s been faking it since their inception. Nanuck of the north? not the guy’s name. he didn’t live in a fucking igloo he had a nice little cozy cottage with all the amenities available at the time, didn’t have umpteen wives THOSE actually were the multiple bedwarners of the filmaker JUST to give a few examples off the top of my head. seriously, look it up. nat geo is INFAMOUS for pulling shit like that. give me Smithsonian Int. ANY day, but we won’t get the snithsonian channel. why? because they’re TRUE historians, preservationalists and scientists as opposed to the grandstanding showman nat. geo are. puhleez queen. if i wanted over the top showmanship and grandstanding? i’d go to the circus.

ah well. breakfast calls and i need to put my ice packs back in the freezer. i have JUST about enough time for them to freeze solid by bedtime (they’re BIG bottles. 24 oz)  i might see about actually getting back to work today so i can make checking on Bear and No Name part of the rotation schedule. if THAT ends up (oh dear Blessed Goddess! a breeze and i smell rain! could it be the heat wave is about to break?!) happening, i’ll get a few more old pain journals up.




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