Per Joe’s request… This is public. No formalities my picture will be down. With that you both have the ability to comment. . So does the general public. Doubtful…
So what I was asked to reflect well it is 130 am. So I am late…a bit. Where I felt the power was exchanged how it worked and where I could have improved. I will not get to graphic. .I will say things that I felt. Including desires.
I knew Hank for maybe a year before we officially met. .kinda I don’t feel that topic needs to be re lived. . The exchange… after about maybe 6 weeks of trying not to live together.. We just couldn’t. We were crazy happy in love. I’ve read texts I have looked at old pictures. As with Joe not all information is shared with Hank and vice versa. That’s why your scene names are not here. Neither one will need to really talk.
Any how, he moved in and out maybe 2x. One night we were alone either getting ready to have sex or I was mad. Who really knows! Not her anymore, instead of leaving he grabbed my hair ands drug me to the floor. To at least my knees. Oh but i went very very willingly. This was before we had huge toys ect. That power that control it consumed me, my soul was intoxicated, my heart pumped a million miles an hour. It was the best experience maybe in my life. I let him feed me like the best caviar on the planet. It was delicious and please trust me what we did caused me to be intoxicated. I would walk into walls and doors..he’d chuckle a bit “you alight, need some help? ” and I did receive lots of care after every session…it was the Intoxication… that had me off.
So yes we did make rules… not always followed. Infact we didn’t even take time to review them. I was so stubborn. But Hank did have a wandering eye. But! I feel if we would have maybe reviewed the rules we agreed to. We both may be in way WAY different places. I did not communicate with him as I do with both of you today. I was defensive, judgemental, over worked undernoticed…. maybe needy.
But very much still in love. I don’t have to tell Joe That he knows. But, he’s frivously worked on that. Infact Hank knows well be brought out a side that only as if now he got. Because I feel it was a needy side. But selfish too. I think she ran alot.
Going forward what can I do? I’m unsure. Read the rules write them out? Discuss a power exchange that is going to empower each other. He had my best interest in heart. .. like tea. I now drink it daily. In fact I’d life to cut out coffee. The pipe and when luxury allows cigars. ..sadly still smoking. Shaving. I’m very very passionate about it. He taught me. Infact he may have done it first. By doing that. Hank empowered me to try. I doubt I’ll ever go back.
I may not have given him alot if pats before his stroke and although at times, very frustrating I really did research the hell out of it. Pardon my language. I worry now no one cares.
This is a journal for my growth and what I have learned or experienced. .. What I can do going forward. I may eventually learn to be in top…. or try.
That power is still there. I can almost see him laying next to me. Both before and after. Once a playful man and extremely proud as Leo’s often are. Would lift me up. Often. .. that’s why when I slumber or take care of myself. I still have to do it to his voice. Maybe I’m conditioned? Palpov did it well.
Ps: this is what I’m working on currently. Not for anyone but me. It was guided but is for inner clarity. .. and mediation.