First ever journal entry

Tonight I find myself 67 days sober.  It has been a huge learning curve the past few months but I am doing it.  At first the weekdays were worse, and now the weekends are worrisome.  The first party we went to sober, my take away was that drunk people smell really bad and as the night progressed they looked even worse.  I was happy to climb into my bed and sober and relaxed.  My hubby has been sober for almost 4 years and we quit smoking almost 2 years ago, so this is it… finally clean living.  Our boys are benefiting.  I am thankful for the time I realize I have with them in the evenings, and am sadly aware of the memories lost.

We went to a second party 2 weekends ago and again I had a hard time, but once I was there I was ok.  I bartered a lot that weekend with my husband, but he didn’t give in.  I was so down on myself for starting this sobriety and wished I hadn’t made it so closed ended.  I know I have to stay sober and only wish I could be one of those people who can drink in moderation.  I know I can’t, and very doubtful that will ever be an option for me.

I worry the boys who are now entering HS and MS ages will see how drinking was ok for so long.  I hope its not too late for them to see the healthier side of the disease and to stay away, because god forbid they have inherited those genes from me.

Well Saturday night and its 8:14 and I am going to make myself a big glass of water and go to bed.. Another weekend almost under my belt.  PH

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