Today is day six at my recovery center for anorexia…
I feel like leaving is the best thing to do because facing my emotions that I can feel now that im not numbing that out is sending me into a deep depression that makes me feel awful.
I can’t think of any reason to recover…what do I have to look forward to? More life struggles? All I seem to be able to do is get hurt and hurt again. Watch my daughter as she continues to deteriorate health wise, and slowly die? What type of a life is that?
Am I supposed to go to college for something I want? Sure… but how will the bills get paid… But if I don’t go back to school how am I going to be able to get a job that pays enough to even pay all my bills and get out of the state aid.
I’m so uncomfortable physically and mentally and don’t remember the last time that I was this depressed. Even though people say in the recovery process that it gets easier, I don’t know if I can make it to that point without wanting to give up on life.
My soul feels empty,
Nothing feels alive inside,
I opens my eyes,
I’m too tired for the ride…