“need me… don’t want me.”…. How sad.

I tell people all the time ” if you need me I am there.” And I mean it every time. If my friends or family or anyone needs me I am there willingly and with a smile. But if the call me or text me and say “hey, why don’t you come over? Hang out, catch a break.” I find an excuse not to show up. Too tired, too busy, (too unsure of myself). How sad that I can’t accept comfort and company from my loved ones just because they care and want to see me. What does it say about me that I prefer them to need me for something?  I don’t feel like I belong if I’m not doing something to help them. Like why should they want me around if I’m not doing anything.  I won’t fit in.  It sucks. I know it’s illogical.  I know that’s not how family or friendships work.  I would smack my loved ones for feeling that way.

Need me… don’t want me… I really need to grow up.

3 thoughts on ““need me… don’t want me.”…. How sad.”

  1. I know exactly how you feel, I put everyone else before myself and when it comes to me, I don’t want to feel like a bother to anyone so I stick to myself. There’s nothing wrong with you but sometimes it’s good to catch a break to escape from reality for a period of time, even if it’s short.

  2. It’s a ridiculous cycle that I put myself through. Today I forced myself out of the house though and went fishing with a friend. I was still far too awkward and escaped as soon as I could but I did take one step forward.

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