“need me… don’t want me.”…. How sad.

I tell people all the time ” if you need me I am there.” And I mean it every time. If my friends or family or anyone needs me I am there willingly and with a smile. But if the call me or text me and say “hey, why don’t you come over? Hang out, catch a break.” I find an excuse not to show up. Too tired, too busy, (too unsure of myself). How sad that I can’t accept comfort and company from my loved ones just because they care and want to see me. What does it say about me that I prefer them to need me for something?  I don’t feel like I belong if I’m not doing something to help them. Like why should they want me around if I’m not doing anything.  I won’t fit in.  It sucks. I know it’s illogical.  I know that’s not how family or friendships work.  I would smack my loved ones for feeling that way.

Need me… don’t want me… I really need to grow up.

4 thoughts on ““need me… don’t want me.”…. How sad.”

  1. I know exactly how you feel, I put everyone else before myself and when it comes to me, I don’t want to feel like a bother to anyone so I stick to myself. There’s nothing wrong with you but sometimes it’s good to catch a break to escape from reality for a period of time, even if it’s short.

  2. It’s a ridiculous cycle that I put myself through. Today I forced myself out of the house though and went fishing with a friend. I was still far too awkward and escaped as soon as I could but I did take one step forward.

  3. I feel the exact same way except even when I do need something like picking me up from the mechanic which was discussed at length for days my family bails with no notice. Granted things like this have only happened one or two times but I don’t like asking people for anything. Its later used to hurt you.

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