I tell people all the time ” if you need me I am there.” And I mean it every time. If my friends or family or anyone needs me I am there willingly and with a smile. But if the call me or text me and say “hey, why don’t you come over? Hang out, catch a break.” I find an excuse not to show up. Too tired, too busy, (too unsure of myself). How sad that I can’t accept comfort and company from my loved ones just because they care and want to see me. What does it say about me that I prefer them to need me for something? I don’t feel like I belong if I’m not doing something to help them. Like why should they want me around if I’m not doing anything. I won’t fit in. It sucks. I know it’s illogical. I know that’s not how family or friendships work. I would smack my loved ones for feeling that way.
Need me… don’t want me… I really need to grow up.