cautious or jaded?

I think my marriage screwed me up more than I thought. Every one keeps telling me that its time I start dating again, that I need to get back out there and find the right guy, get my feet wet. The thought fills me with trepidation.  I tell people I won’t find anyone around here worth trying for. Honestly though I just don’t think I will ever find anyone I can have a relationship with. I think that part of me might be broken beyond repair. I never trusted easily and now I just don’t trust at all. I know that’s not fair. I know the problem isn’t with anyone else but soley with me. Maybe part of it is that I’m just too afraid to try. I mean I was in a relationship for ten years, the years most people date and find out what kind of people they like and who they are with people. I’m twenty five and single for the first time since I was fourteen ( yes, I was a teen mom who got married at sixteen). I have never been out on a real date, never had a one night stand, hell I have only ever been with my ex husband. I feel ignorant and insecure about the way dating and relationships work.  Part of me just wants to forget about finding someone and be alone, the other part really misses having someone to come home to, someone to hold and love. But how can anyone love me when I just don’t think I have enough in me to love back?

Leave a Reply