I talked to my grandmother today. Se said I should talk to my mom and I told her why I couldn’t. She said it’s a serious matter and that she is going to take me to see a specialist even if it’s behind my mothers back. I’m just ready to get it over with. I don’t want to have to take medication but I also do not want to have to go to behavioral center. So I am preparing myself for anything. I did think I could make it these last three years, I mean I’ve made it nine so what’s three moreover realize it has gotten worse not better and these past few weeks have hit me even harder than ever. I just don’t think I’ll be abale to face her now that she knows something wrong. I already know what she’s going to say. First she’ll call me a liar. Then go on to ask me are you ok yet she won’t really care because inside she just thinks I’m an attention whore or a soon to be junkie. But I don’t care what she thinks, she has ruled my life long enough and me coming out with this diss order is me finally making a decision for myself.