I find most people boring. There’s not really that much of a challenge to become friends with people or to become close to people. It’s even easier to tick them off to the point of not wanting to be friends anymore. It’s pretty much been a hobby of mine for as long as I can remember.
Sure at first I thought it sucked losing friends when I was really young, but after it happens over and over again you get used to it. I think there was a turning point when I was 15 or so that it just hit me. It would be heck of a lot easier to not let anyone be truly close to the actual me than to maintain friendships or realtionships and actually care. In the end over and over again people disappoint, annoy, or hurt me so its pointless to care.
I even tried putting the effort in with certain people that I did care about, but eventually it turned out the same. I’m still balancing the fine line with my own family to care or hate and it’s been almost 28 years of it.
Besides in life over years people grow apart and you learn to start again. It’s a process I know all too well I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve repeated it.
If you do find someone that no matter how hard you thrash their mental and emotional limits they still want to be with you – congrats. It’s a rare thing to find in the world these days. You better hold onto it for dear life that’s for damn sure.
I know reading this may seem like I sound lonely and want attention, but the ship sailed a long time ago. I like my writing my thoughts down because they tend to jump back and forth every few minutes. Writing them down with pen and paper is nearly impossible because I get annoyed by all the scratch marks I make and eventually gets thrown away. I’ve also tried typing in random word documents and I end up deleting them because I don’t like what I’ve written or I change my mind later on down the road. If I actually type them out online and I hit save I have a much harder time deleting an entry (which is good for me).
I’m a dark person, obviously, and it’s half the reason people don’t stick around me. I would honestly like to meet a person with the same thoughts on people as me. It would be nice to have a chat to get a different perspective on things.
I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen, but it’s a nice thought.