dont know where to start (had abusive mother)

Hi there,

ok so I don’t really know where to start, am pretty young and start college in September.

I think this is good for me as I’ve had a bit of a rough childhood, my mother was an alcoholic and a very anger woman, I tried to help her and I thought I was but she seems better off with out me to be honest. I do feel a little left out and alone but I have my dad and his girlfriend, just sometimes you need that motherly love and it hurts knowing am never gong to get it. one of my sisters still live with her but I think there getting on ok. I have two sisters (both older) we don’t talk much in fact we haven’t talked for about a year, its the same with my mother. I live in Scotland, my mother in England with one of my sisters, tho I think they live in seaport flats, and the  oldest lives in Ireland with her husband I don’t like him one bit.

we all a bit spread over, but you know its just one of thos things, I held onto hope for so long, I thought we could become a family again, but stuff happened and I knew it changed for ever. I guess the bit that hurt the most in the past was the broken promises my mother made, she said she would come and read me a bed time story and she never did. The bed time story’s were important to as I had horrific nightmares and I thought it would calm me before bed, but she never came so I just layed there scared as anything and hoping morning would come in a blink of an eye.

I also use to live with my oldest sister, she tried to kill us once by burning down the house, she clams she never done it and she was outside with the bowl of fire but she did I seen it with my own eyes it makes me feel crazy, but I know what I saw. Anyway I went to go live with her and her husband, its wasn’t any better there was screaming and fighting, things flying through the air, I slept on the floor with a blanket and was covered in flee bits, I hated it.

so I moved back to my mothers and then I moved to my dads, its better here, and I know I should be happy but I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere, that no one needs me, I just want to be loved.

thanks for reading

J x

 

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