A Kiss

It’s been 5 months.

Five.

Wait, let’s start back at the beginning where this is all coming from.  For seventeen years, the world has fought against me.  Room’s full of people would stare, judge, contradict, and manipulate their minds to see that this girl, this retched red head (or so she thought) could come here and share her secrets on her lips like a tattoo on her forehead.

It’s been seventeen years of battling myself to realize, there was never a battle to be fought or a war to be won…it was the simple truth that the awful curve ball life threw at me hit me so hard, my future became uncertain.  What would it become?  How would this impact my life?  Will this ever be over?  You don’t really ever know either because you begin playing mind games where the people you see around you are only staring because your staring and they can’t help but wonder what you’re wondering since all you see is the look on their face of “what the fuck”.

My story begins as a child, a mere 10 year old girl with frizzy curly hair, hazel eyes, and the longest legs that went on for days.  Too old for nap time, she went onto the porch where her and her friend would play.  Her friend was much older then her, but she liked him.  Oh she liked him so much that she began to let him sit next to her during play time.  Until one day play time became nap time again.  She would never forget the way his hand tasted on her mouth or how his hips gave her bruises for months.  It’s the awful realization of those “play times” that make even the strongest adults, quiver.

it took seventeen years for me to realize that this is not what defines my life.  I can love, and be happy, work hard, be who I am; who I truly am, with who I want to share that with.

Dated 11 months, engaged 12 months, married 2 and a half years.

It took 5 months for me to finally realize the man that came into my life was not the man life chose for me.  my decisions brought me to settle,  all because it felt certain that this man would give me exactly what was meant to come in to my life…and that would be nothing a woman needs.

In all of this…do not let one kiss define who you are.  Let it be the reason you fight for more in life.  Be more in your life.

 

“Life is full of spectacular things.  Now go get them.” -J

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