Towards the end of my marriage with my ex we had agreed upon an ‘open’ marriage.  I could explore kink as long as I didn’t fuck anyone.  We know how that worked out but that’s not really why I’m writing this.

I’m writing this because when we had our ‘open’ marriage I was the only one doing anything outside of our marriage and my ex didn’t really want to explore with anyone else, solo.  I felt kind of guilty but I shouldn’t have because that was his decision not mine.

Anyway, Sir and I have said that we are not exclusive and not serious but kind of serious.  I have been the one to mainly push this because there were other guys I had ‘relationships’ with and I didn’t want to lose those relationships; however,  I’m not sure now because I’ve never been on the other end.

I was supposed to meet up with Adam*, military guy that just got back to the states.  We’ve seen each other a few times but he’s been gone since October.  He contacted me on Thursday and said hey!  I’m back in town.  Do you want to get together?  I told Sir about Adam and asked Him if He was okay with it.  He said He was.  Adam ended up having to go visit one of his soldiers so we didn’t get to meet up but that is moot.

Sir went to NC last weekend and had told me that he would likely have lunch with Ashley* on his way home.  He didn’t mention a hook up but I know they have a past; so I asked, is it just lunch or a hook up?  He said lunch with a possible hook up.  He asked if I was okay with that.  I said that I was and I truly thought that I was.

I wasn’t.  I’m not.  I’m not sure why.  Sir and I talked about it yesterday in the car, just a little, and we had to stop because I was starting to cry (I was driving).  I told him that I thought I was okay with it but I wasn’t really sure anymore.  I told him I hadn’t really been on the other end before.  He asked me if it was because I thought I wouldn’t be special to Him anymore.  It isn’t.  I know I’m special and I know HE thinks I’m special.  Not a lot of women would be able to endure what Sir can dish out.

I’ve not been on the other end of an ‘open’ relationship.  I’ve never had my partner say ‘Hey, I actually do want to fuck this person.’  I didn’t anticipate the amount of jealousy or how much time my thoughts would dwell on the situation or how my thoughts just spun out of control and I couldn’t get a handle on them.

Sir said they had lunch and only made out because she was nervous that it was daylight outside and I guess, wasn’t comfortable fucking outside (car, I would assume) in the daylight.  I believe him.



*name changed

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