I’m at work

How you ever felt that you have so much to say, and so little to say at the same time? Like you’re about to explode with all of your thoughts but then you realize “If my biggest problem is that my girlfriend tells me she loves me too much then I really just need to stop being so whiny”.

But why stop? Really, why? Isn’t it good to let things out? That’s what people say at least. So, things were going so, so well. Until vacation. Don’t get me wrong, vacation itself was extremely fun! We went boarding for hours, ate amazing food (and lots of it), and drank our worries away (or at least tried). & then one small  sentence spoken at the earliest hours of the day changed everything. 7 words. and then boom! The world came crashing down. You may be intrigued now, or not even reading anymore. Who knows? Who actually even cares? (genuine question). 

For those of you that are, here at the 7 words that brought my freely spinning & fun world to a halting stop: “You’re the one I want to marry.” marry…marry…marry….The letter voice in my head pleaded her to SHUT UP! Stop! PLEASE DON’T SAY IT OUT LOUD. take it back. But the words were out. Never to be taken back. I’m aware how extremely overdramatic this all seems, but my body is shaking, my head is spinning & my stomach is turning. These gestures, although just words, can change everything. At least for someone like me. I’m 20 and happy and love my girlfriend. But those words are equivalent to: “You are trapped.” 

This many all sound really, really bad. I don’t want to go be free and hook up with whoever I want whenever I want. But as sure as hell as not ready to think about marriage. People hardly even get married anymore. Isn’t it some crazy percentage of marriages end in divorce? Well, isn’t it? So why not just LIVE in the MOMENT. Think about the future when it becomes the present. (It’s good to have a life plan though kids, stay in school, yada yada).

I think I’ve rambled enough for one day. But it helped. It felt good. I suggest you try it.

Until tomorrow… 

One thought on “I’m at work”

  1. I’m actually very glad I read this…. It almost made me see things from my boyfriends perspective. But then again I don’t know you.. I always talk about spending “forever” with him and he just gets big eyes and doesn’t really say anything. Or sometimes even says “forever is a long time!” It just scares me. The only reason I have ever mentioned marriage to my boyfriend is because I felt as if his answer was going to give me some sort of courage that this guy wants to be with me forever. Like I don’t want to waste my time with someone who doesn’t think I’m the one.. Thanks for sharing this!

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