July 9 2015

I never knew how to talk to her. I only knew how to manipulate her.  For the first time in five years I am just learning how to understand and know Blossom. 

I’m really excited about starting this therapy, when I do. They said it would be a couple of weeks before my first appointment. I guess all I can do is keep journaling. 

Also I can keep focused on keeping up with my health goals. Tomorrow I have a personal training appointment and I think I am going to talk to him about writing down a schedule. I can come home and put it on my dry erase board. That helped me when I was living with Hailey and Ally.

I didn’t bike ride today because it started sprinkling outside when I left. I didn’t want to be caught on that bike path when it rains. I didn’t want to be seen by any of those animals. Here it is an hour later and it still hasn’t rained.

I’ve been reading this book called Facing Co-dependence and it’s really helping learn a bit about where I came from, what I’ve struggled with. I’m interested to see the part that talks about where I’m going. However, I don’t want to go anywhere with this co dependence.

I love my medicine! I need to still work on my anger a bit but I love my medicine.  My mom said it’s not good to be happy and lovable. I think she’s wrong. But you never argue with your mother. I’m a smart and some what sophisticated person. I just need to hold myself together a little bit stronger. I would love to see how my life plays out  then, when myself is glued together. My biggest struggle is struggling to keep happy.

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