On the trail of your Thoughts

Holding my umbrella with right hand, above my head, and my other hand in my left pocket, I walk down the trail. The drizzling continues and when the mild drops of the monsoon rain in the hills, fall on my umbrella they create a lovely sound of pitter-patter. There is no one with me on this trail. It is calm and peaceful. The air is still here. The trees are still too. The valley to my left is engulfed by the mist. Some high rising trees appear to me like faded shadows. All the colors of nature have lost their soul and I feel lost in this fairyland.

No one can see me here and I can see no one as well. When I remove the umbrella away from my head, for a moment, I hear the sound of water drops dripping from the pine needles. The hanging water drop at the end of every needle appears like a silver pearl. I take the umbrella above my head once again and the only sound that disturbs the silence now is the pitter-patter of the drizzling drops.

On this lonely trail I think of you. Where did you come from, to my life? You haunted me always. Perhaps these are the thoughts I always looked for. I cannot forget that lovely moment when I was told to visit that office to find a job for myself. Finding a satisfactory job to meet my basic requirements has always been a reason of my disturbance. I have always failed to find a suitable job as I always required enough time to write and the jobs never left any time for me to do so. I decided to become a full time writer, a writer of nature, but writing has also not proved its worth.

That day when I visited that office with my details on a sheet of paper, the receptionist had given me a warm welcome with a broad smile. She offered me a chair and as I occupied the seat in front of her she asked me to give her my resume. I was talking to her when the door behind her was pushed opened and you had appeared with a glass of water on a tray. You had placed the glass in front of me and I was stunned to see your face.

That lovely moment is locked in my heart and mind. How come was it possible? You were the same about whom I had always thought of. Your glittering eyes, rosy lips and pink complexion had always appeared in my vision. Whenever I had closed my eyes the face that you have, had appeared on the screen of my eyes. In my vision I had always seen you smiling at me and then disappearing in the mist of my thoughts. I had chased you everywhere but had never reached you. She was always in her traditional attire, walking on the meadows, with here cattle, working in the fields or carrying some stuff to the fields. Here colorful dress with a cloth that covered her head had made her stunningly beautiful for me.

I could not pick up the glass of water and then I saw the door being closed and you disappearing behind it.

I had failed to achieve the job but that moment had got blocked in my chest.

And now when you have agreed and accepted my love, I just want to leave everything for you. I wish to support you with the best of the prosperity, comforts and luxury of this world. May God credit all the sorrow, pain and problems to my favor? You have your own reasons for not coming closer to me and I am unable to hold myself to approach you. May God give me all the support to enable me to pull you out of every problem of life?

I get disturbed when I see you leading a struggle full life. The lines on your face disclose the every problem of yours, to me. You do not ask me for anything and I have nothing to give you. But my true and pure love for you has a deep trust in the almighty. If he has brought us closer to each other and if he has opened our ways to each other then he shall also empower me to wipe of the lines of your troubles from your face and from your destiny. And after that you might ever withdraw yourself away from me.

You always say that you love me too but I also know that our relation will never be a successful relation. The society is never going to accept us. Our hearts and minds are clean towards each other. We are made for each other but unfortunately could never meet in time. Is this a punishment for some sin that we must have committed in the past? Perhaps that is why we have met so late in this life and as per the rulers of this world it is too late for both of us to be a part of each other.

For me the life ends at you. When I think of living without you I see my death standing in front of me. A single thought of living life without you is the end of my life. Wherever I am, I am not without you.

And, here on this trail, walking with my umbrella over my head, where everything is engulfed by the mist and I am lost in the mist of your thoughts. I am generally lost in the mist of your thoughts and the people around me are like fading shadows of towering pines. If I throw a stone down the valley I do not know where it will disappear to. The valley has no bottom, same as my heart. How deep the love for you is, is not known. It is only deep, deep and deep and I keep falling down for it.

May god take everything from me and let me roam in this bottomless depth, forever.

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