I’ve had enough

I honestly can say I had enough. I can’t stand when people are assholes. It drives me crazy. Especially people you love. It hurts. You have no idea how bad I want to cry when someone is mean to me, but I hold it in until I’m completely alone, then I burst into tears. A lot of people take advantage of how kind I am. I’m not a mean person at all. I have sympathy for others very  easily. My mother in laws goat was dying and she couldn’t handle it she was so hurt she was balling her eyes out I felt bad for her, and those goat to as it was crying so I started crying too. I didn’t want to see the goat in pain nor did I want to see my mother in law cry and be hurt. She a great person she’s so sweet too. Anyways after a while the goat stopped crying took a big breath and his neck went limp. I cried so hard. Yes You probably are like it’s just a goat, but animals are beautiful they become part of your family, and when they die it kills you, it’s like losing an actual family member maybe your aunt or grandma or brother. It really does suck. Back to people being assholes. My husband became one after a while of being with him. It really sucks when you think they are going to be very nice and kind and caring. That’s only in the beginning. I know couples fight but the way he started treating me was horrible. He never payed a hand on me, but his words did. They tore me apart and made me even more insecure than I already am. Yea, that’s another thing you can know about me. I am extremely insecure, about my looks. I wasn’t always this bad but it got worse, I have depression and severe anxiety. I’m on medicine for it but I believe no medicine can make you feel happy, it just can make you feel a little better but not completely like a happy person. I think people who are always happy are cute. It’s nice to see happy people. I wish I could always be happy. Maybe one day I will. My son makes me happy. He can be stubborn even for a 1 year old. He wants to climb on things that he can get hurt and when I tell him no he screams and cries and throws a tantrum. They say to not give attention to bad behavior. What I do is I put him in the play pen for 5 minutes while I fold some laundry or clean something near him, only because he’s been trying to climb out the play pen. He’s the cutest boy ever and I love him with all my heart. He comes before anyone else even my husband. A lot of girls my age put their boyfriends before there kids because they don’t want to be alone, well I don’t think anyone wants to be alone, but we need to do what’s best for our kids. I always wanted a family to call mine since I was little. I thought when I was 10 that when people have a baby all they have to do is lay in bed together and hug eachother and kiss and then you become pregnant. I was very innocent, and had a wide imagination. Funny sometimes I wish I could go back to certain moments and just relive them again, like when Alex was actually sweet and caring. Now he’s selfish and mean. 

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