Time will tell

you ever hear people say only time will tell? Well they are absolutely right. I’m waiting one more day for my husband to get his ass home, and come to me and our son instead of living at his friends house all day doing nothing. He has a family but I know for sure he won’t if he keeps this up. This guy has changed so much in the past years I known him. I been crying, having panic attacks, not eating, sleeping too much, thinking the worst, my mind wanders. What if he’s doing this, or what if he’s doing that? It’s very exhausting if you ask me. Today I was texting him because I was upset with him he wasn’t answering me last night and he was just reading my messages and not responding. So this morning I asked him a few different questions and he says “shut the fuck up Alyssa” and that I’m driving him crazy. So I was like ok then he texted back and said oh I’m not trying to be mean or anything but your over doing it. I got pretty pissed on how he was treating me so I said no guy is going to treat me that way I won’t allow it so bye. Then he says they will if you accuse them every second of the day. Yes I accuse him but I have a good reason to, but  when I sent him those messages I wasn’t acussing him I was asking him a question. So for the first time in out marriage I stopped texting him. The last thing I said was you can’t handle me do goodbye. Then like later on in the day he says it’s not that you just keep on asking me. So I say I’m not asking you anymore so don’t worry about it. Then he says I love you. That pissed me off. You love me because you just told your wife to shut the fuck up? After you haven’t even been home in 3 weeks? No I seriously am not wasting my time on him anymore if he doesn’t come home tomorrow. Like he promised me and our son he’d be home Sunday. If he ends up not showing up I will not wait around for him like a desperate person, I’m going to move on and raise my son. Plus I have nothing to lose because I already am used to him not living here so if he doesn’t come home I’m fine, but if he does than good we need to talk a lot though about things, and agree and stuff. Yes I would love my husband to come home to me and just hug me tight and kiss me and just hold me while we lay in bed. But I can’t expect it because if I get my hopes up I’ll be crushed if he doesn’t come home. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. You might not know why right now but later on in the future you will look back and be like that’s why. My last ex I thought I’d never get over him and never find someone else I would like but then came my husband. Who knows me and him will either work out, or we won’t. I’m not searching for a guy to be with me though, I’m going to wait until I heal and get over this break up (if we end up breaking up) and let the right person find me. Easy as that. But it’s easier said then done which is very true in what I been going through. People say oh just leave him he’s not a good husband bla bla bla you can find so much better. Yea you think I can just leave him and find better? Your wrong. In the time you are with someone and truly love them, there is no one better than them, and no one you want other than them. Now I’m going to get ice cream and watch tv until I fall asleep.

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