I can’t do this anymore. He’s angry, he’s been drinking and says I’m accusing him of things when all I asked  is who a girl was. Never said anythin accusing. Yes in my mind I’m thinking a million different things, but it doesn’t really matter anymore. He’s mad at me because he says I’m accusing me when I never said anything. He asks why I’m looking through the history, I was clearing my history and I saw it. The only way he won’t be pissed at me is if I act like everything is ok. Yes Alex everything’s okay I’m just really tired. It’s easy as that. He acts like he’s the boss of this relationship. Let me be honest for a second. Fuck this relationship. It’s nothing but arguments and me being insecure. Why should I have to feel this way? I shouldn’t. I just want to be left alone. If he left again, cool whatever bye it happened before I can handle it again. But all these things I’m just finding out now bother me. I can’t be married to someone who is angered easily. I can’t be with someone who isn’t commited to me. I can’t be with someone who I feel like is talking I other girls, even if he isn’t why should I feel like he is? I’ve had it. I’m just depressed still. Why won’t god give me someone who will love me and cherish me? Do I deserve to be treated like shit? I’m really just done. If I can’t trust someone the relationship won’t work for me. It’s just how it is. I was having a pretty good day before all this, but now it honestly sucks. Can I just sleep forever and not wake up? I can’t I’m just a nervous wreck right now. Some people are so lucky to have a nice husband or bf, who cares if they aren’t really attractive or if they are overweight or whatever, it’s about what’s on the inside. I just can’t deal with this relationship anymore so maybe one day he will get tired of me and leave me, cause if I leave him he will get all mad and depressed and I don’t want that. I’ll just have to wait it out. I hope one day I can find a guy who will never be emotionally abusive towards me. Who won’t talk to other girls or if other girls talk to him he ignores them. I’m just not good enough for him. If he wants to cheat fine. Because it probably already happened before, at least that’s what I feel, but I’m very insecure so whatever

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