saint or martyr?

Well,  lord knows I am no saint. I help people where I can but I’m starting to wonder what my motivation is. My employer accidentally shorted me a lot of money a couple weeks ago and I didn’t say anything because I know they are strapped for cash, this week I told them they could pay me only half of what they owe me and the other half later ( this time they really needed the money.) , I gave my airconditoner to my neighbor because he needed it more than I do, I am always ready to run to the aid of my family or friends even when I can’t afford it financially or mentally.  Now I’m not saying all of this to stroke my own ego but because I think that I might do it for the wrong reasons. . . Do I act so helpful to make myself feel better , so that I can look and point and say ” see, I am a good person. ” ? Am I really so selfish? Am I really so pathetically passive and self-centered that I am willing to cripple myself just to be the good guy?  I think it might be time to be a bit more forceful with my needs. I think that maybe by acting a little more selfish I will actually start being less selfish.  Everyone appreciates the hand that helps but no one likes a martyr.

A couple of days ago my friends step father actually called me Cinderella.  My friends mom told my friend ” make …. pick up the box because it’s heavy…” and the step father said ,” what ? you are going to make Cinderella do it?” … He didn’t say it as an endearment.  He said it because that’s the way he sees me, working and bending over backwards to gain approval. I don’t want to be Cinderella. . .

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