Who Am I

Who am I? I always have ponder that question. It started when I was a child wondering why no one wanted to play with me. I felt so alone so I became shy more like painfully shy then it really scared people away. In my teens like normal teens I felt misunderstood, a loner, and an outsider. I did not fit anywhere even if I had tried.  That is when my first symptoms of my depression started in my teen years. I hid it I was so ashamed why could this happen to me. Then when I was 16 I saw a therapist my first time ever. It didn’t help because I felt she didn’t get it. She was a therapist for children not teens. So I quit going to her. By the time I was 22 it really hit me hard. I felt worthless and useless. I didn’t belong into this world. I felt I did not belong on this Earth. I felt ashamed of myself and wanted to hide from everyone around me. I layed in bed all day, I gained weight, and I cried all of the time feeling sorry for myself. When I was 23 I wrote a suicide letter saying how I am such a big disappointment to everyone, how I am worthless to everyone around me, how I shouldn’t be on this Earth anymore. I didn’t know how I was going to do it I just wrote it thinking no one will find out. Well one day my family found it about the letter. I felt so ashamed and so embarrassed I didn’t want to be seen but I did agree to go to a therapist. The very first day I went I felt like I needed too. I needed to talk to someone other than the people around me someone who can help me.  So I started talking and it felt good. Each step she provided me it really helped me, It got better each day. I didn’t feel so depressed. I took hobbies I didn’t even know I had the skill to bake in myself I took up baking and I love it. Baking things like cookies, cakes, pies, and brownies. I love all of it. It makes me happy, makes me feel I have purpose in life, and it shows my feelings towards the things I bake. It made me even more happier. I felt I belong in this world on the face of the Earth. It felt really good. Now I still have some depressive moments but not like it used to be. I have recovered maybe not fully but just enough for me to feel I have a purpose in life. To love everyone around me, embrace the world around me, be inspired by creating things I loved, and to never forget the people who supported me through it all. It made me realize that I am not the only one out there who feels alone and depressed. It changed my life for the good not the bad. At 25 I finally realized and embraced who I am. I am a sweet. loyal, genuine person. Who will help anyone and everyone that I can. I am a great listener and I will always listen to anyone who needs someone to listen too. I am a great friend to have forever. I love everyone, anything, and everything. This is who I am and I am not going to change it for no one. I am embracing it. For the good in me and the world around me.

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