How I Met Your Father – The Funny Asshole


Kids, the following is a really, really, I mean really short story. Of all the guys I’ve been with, this is the one I understood the less.
Two weeks after I decided to not see the guy from the bus again, a friend of mine invited me to her boyfriend’s birthday party, it was just a get-together-with-friends at his place. Sounded like a good plan, so I figured; why not?… 
The party was nice, I knew many of the people there, except for a few.
Well, there was this guy; He would make jokes every time he spoke, and he’d make me laugh. Of course, it doesn’t take much more than that for me to like someone… He was funny and I don’t know, for some reason I felt attracted to him.
I sat next to him during the party, and then he took everyone home, including me. Nothing happened though.
The following day, I texted uncle Tavio, since he used to be friends with this guy… So I asked him how this guy was, in order to not make another mistake… He told me he was a good guy, but… (yes, there’s always a but) that he was “bend” after his last relationship. Spoiler Alert!: He was not bend, he was broken.
I added him on Facebook, we chatted the whole week, and went out the following Saturday.. I had a great time, good laughs… He brought me home, kissed me in the car and he kept making jokes about coming up, but at the time; he backed up. It was actually a bit confusing… but anyways, good thing nothing happened!.
The following day, he tells me he’d like to talk to me and explain something to me.. So we met on Monday that exact same week. He told me how his last relationship beat him up and how it was hard for him to be with someone new… and I, kids, can swear I understood him, and I had no intention of anything… I would just let him go his way.. I really did not expect anything at all.
Next day, after that Monday, he texts me saying he bought my favorite chocolate, and that I should pick a movie so he’d come… and he did… he kissed me that night, we watched Friends.. it was nice, and I didn’t want anything else… I didn’t care if nothing happened… I was OK.
The next 2 days, he’d talk to me on Facebook, he’d tell me all about how I made him smile, how he got bored when I was not online, and many other things that a girl wants to hear… and then, just out of the blue we were chatting and I told him I was going on a trip for 10 days, so we wouldn’t be able  to hang out until then… and he told me he was “selling me flowers with no smell”… that we could go out, get together and watch friends, or do whatever, but that nothing would ever happen between us.
This caught me off guard, I had no intentions whatsoever… All I wanted was to hang out, and get to know him, which is actually the first step before you even start liking someone, in the case you do.. and still I felt he was trying to end something that did not exist in the first place… Confusing.

Even at this point, kids, I still don’t get it… he even deleted me from his friends on Facebook. Three times.

Just to take things with humor, and actually to keep my sanity… I decided to think the guy was some kind of Gollum -you know, the two personality character from Lord of the Rings-… cause if not, I would’ve become crazy trying to figure out why he was such a sweetheart for 2 weeks, and then an asshole at the next second.
He did keep on insisting on getting to know me, asking me out, etc… but I really really lost any minimum interest I could have had in him… he kept on being an asshole while asking me out.. The story ended up to be funny since he did not make any sense at all and kept making no sense for weeks. 

Kids, honestly, now I look back, and realize there is no point on trying to understand someone who is not stable. 

One thought on “How I Met Your Father – The Funny Asshole”

  1. I can kind of relate to your story. I had been single for some time and out of the blue, the first guy I had ever kissed, sent me a message on Facebook. We hung out, talked, and had a good time together. We had hung out before when I was younger, he was friends with my brother, so we didn’t have that ‘just met for the first time’ awkwardness. He wanted to go slow and so did I. I didn’t want to rush something if it wasn’t going to work out and we needed time to know for sure if a relationship was worth pursuing. But after a few weeks, he started talking as if he was interested in an actual relationship. After a great night together I sent him a text letting him know that I was interested in a little more than just friends. Then POOF! He was gone. I felt so humiliated that I had put myself out there like that just for him to disappear. It took a little while to get over. I felt so stupid.
    A few years later, and only a week ago, he sends me a message! It was a very short conversation and he asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him I did, and we exchanged one more message back and forth then POOF! He was gone again…but you know what? Not my monkeys, not my circus. He clearly has some commitment issues.

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