It’s been two weeks since I last used any behaviors. I’ve tried to make a point to be better in all aspects of my life. A better girlfriend, a better daughter, and a better friend. To not be lazy and to do what’s right.
But now I’m at that uncomfortable stage. The part where my body is getting used to being fed reagularly. So I’m a little bloated. My clothes fit a little tighter. My weight, if I check it, has probably gone up. This is the part I always balk at. I can never handle seeing myself change like this. My nutritionist says I have to wait it out, but I never can. Right about now is when I typically freak out and go back to restricting or purging or diet pills.
This time is twice as hard. I’m going through this uncomfortable period while I’m preparing to move cross country alone for law school. I want to be confident with how I look when I get to a whole new place. But trying to fight through this period is only bringing about horrible body image and self hatred. There’s a part of me that wants to try though. I want to get through this and make it out to the other side once and for all.