2015-07-03 17.42.28

lonely

So, here I am. Alone still. the 4th of July this year its been 6 years since I’ve even felt the touch of another man since he’s been gone.  I live up here on my mountain.  just me and my two horses and my ducks and my dogs.  hardly anyone is ever around except an occasional hiker – or two. it’s beautiful up here I have 4 Lakes at my disposal. creeks and a river too.  I spend a lot of time fishing and I run a lot. I would never trade this life for anything. I’ve been up here for 15 years and I love it. I do love the seclusion. I love the peace and the serenity that I get here. I have a life most people only dream of but still I am lonely. I met a man on my other diary, a public diary,that is so wonderful. we will call him Michigan. but that’s the problem. he lives in Michigan. he also has three small children that he has to care for and many many responsibilities.  so he doesn’t really have time to even just talk to me really.  even though I know he is attracted to me and he cares about me he can never give me what I long for in my heart, although personality wise he is perfect and He is very sexy .you see I am free free to come and go as I please to do whatever I want whenever I want. if I want to swim naked if I want to stay up all night I can.  in my heart I know that I should just move on. but is there anyone out there who fits this kind of criteria? is there anyone out there who is free like me free to do whatever whenever? anyone who doesn’t conform to this world?  is there anyone out there who dreams of a life like I have? I have raised my children and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to raise  anymore.  I’m 43 years old. in excellent shape. I was a wildLand firefighter  for many years. this last fire season being my last season, all I want to do is enjoy this vast, beautiful, serene place while I still have time to enjoy it. all of my life I’ve wanted to live on this mountain and when the opportunity came to buy land here of course I jumped on it. I rebuilt a cabin that was here in the early Nineteen Hundreds that unfortunately burnt down last December. but a new cabin is being built as I speak and will be ready by the end of August. the Lakes Up here are clear And beautiful although only one belongs to me.  at this point in my life I cannot imagine living any other kind of life or being anywhere else in the world. I just wish I could find someone that is smart, faithful, kind, honest, in shape,and handsome to share it with….ugh… impossible dreams…..I know…

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