Fentry (First Entry) – Friends

Friends. Who needs them? Us.

I went onto google, confidently I might add, and searched “Why we don’t need friends.” The result? “11 surprising reasons why you don’t have friends.” That is what brought me here.

Friends come and go, so why do we get so attached? This past summer, I decided to actually take the time to understand myself and my life. Each summer begins with, “I’m gonna change this summer,” and ends with no change. This summer, opportunity presented herself when I would be off on two 10 day trips. Perfect! I would hardly be around my friends, so when I returned home from my first trip, I found it pointless to communicate and take the time to talk to them. I’m not sure how this sounds, but to be fair, I did give them a chance.

The day I arrived home, I went out. While making plans to go see one of my best and closest friends, I was told to go take a hike (mind you, this is the censored version). What had I done? I had gotten lost on my way to meet her.

Presently, I have already come home from both trips and have yet to talk to this friend of mine. Yes, I am overcome with the feeling that I have lost her, but I told myself I would change this summer, and I have, and plan on continuing to do so. I just hope my friends will be able to understand and all will be well.

Up until today, all summer I had been considering changing schools. Two days ago, I confirmed my desire. Although the idea seemed crazy, considering I am going into my senior year, I knew there were many kids out there going into their senior year who had to move, without a choice.

However, I did say ‘up until today.’ That’s right, today, as I did laundry and vacuumed and bought flowers for my mom, I thought to myself, “moving to another school is me running away. I cannot run away from all my problems forever.” My conscience was right. And although as pleasing as the idea of simply not showing up to the first day of school without notice might be, I knew I could not do that. I think another part of me simply wanted to find out whether or not I would be missed.

What a ridiculous notion.

Although it would have been great to pull off the plan.

One thought on “Fentry (First Entry) – Friends”

  1. I do the same thing and I’m 40! I avoid my “friends because I’m afraid if I get too close and disappear that I’ll see that they won’t miss me at all…
    I know you’re not looking for advice, but I’m giving it anyway…
    Don’t change you. Change your situation. It can be refreshing to try one new thing every once in a while. Stop worrying about what you want to be. Just BE. You’re young enough. Follow your dreams, even if it’s just a temporary change. Good luck fellow diary writer 🙂

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