For five years, I thought I wanted out. For five years, I closed down, and ignored what was right in front of me. For five years I pushed you away. The thought of losing you physically hurts. Why, why did this happen. Why the fuck didn’t I see you. Why didn’t I listen to my heart, that tiny whisper. I hope. God I hope you can still love me. The thought of my life, without you in it everyday is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. Fuck me, I fucking hate myself. I can’t even imagine forgiving myself for this, but yet I hope to god you can.  I have no idea what will happen in the future, but I hope one day you can look at me, and feel safe, look at me with respect, look at me and know I would never hurt you ever again. One day I hope you can look at me, and know beyond a doubt in your mind that I am absolutely in love with you, the kind of love that grows everyday, the kind of love that has flourished in the shadows regardless of my conscious false effort to stiffen it. The kind of love that is forever, this love I have never felt, until I set it free. And my god, unimaginable things can be done with this love.

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