The only one who matters

I have never been has hurt as i was about seven months ago. I had been dating Joseph for about four years when he finally popped the question! I was so excited! I had loved this man since i was fifteen and now i was finally  going to become his forever. I had the cheapest ring i had ever seen, and  i say that because i was there when he picked it out, it was $45, from a pawn store in Arlington.  It was Stirling silver  with an obviously fake diamond in it, but i didn’t care. Hell, i was PROUD to have it, i was going to spend the rest of my life with this man! we had always said that we were going to be together forever. Now after four years together, my dream was  going to come true. There were only a couple issues with it. 1) he was a pathological liar, 2) he was in the Army ( not that i don’t support our troops, because i do!) meaning i NEVER saw him.  I found out throughout the years, when he WAS in town, he would tell me to get all dressed up, and tell me to wait for him to come pick me up, then he would say something like “oh, i’m too tired to come tonight, maybe tomorrow, then end up hanging out with his friends  or try to hook up with one of his ex’s behind my back. Normally, i would never have issues with him seeing his friends, except that he would make me get all dressed up only to lie to me. And finally 3) he was getting shipped to Afghanistan.

Long story short, while he was over there we broke up simply because about 7 months through his deployment  he told me ” I don’t know if i’ll still want to be with you when i get home, wait till i get back and i’ll let you know if i want to be together”. What girls whose waited over half a year for her “fiance” to come home deserves to be told that? Come to find out, while he was over there he cheated on me. The dudes not very smart. He told his “best friend” who just happened to be dating my best friend who told  me.

Smart one.


So i will be honest,  i was crushed. I didn’t eat or get out of my bed for about three days, and then i realized, that if he could just get over me that fast, then i could get over him too.

so basically i dusted myself off and posted on instagram about being hurt, and healing and all that B.S girls post tp basically tell  their ex indirectly that “i’m better then this, i don’t need you” and this guy i had met at anime fest, through mutual friends a couple months before, (who was kinda with the girl he was hanging out with)  and in all honesty i thought he was cute, and had a nice smile and was just great to be around, gave off great vibes. BUUUUUTT i never really thought i’d see him again, commented on my picture.


long story short, he asked for my number, we texted non-stop for about a week, then he asked me on a date. It just so happened that the date he asked me out on was the day right before my 19th birthday. We went to Chili’s (but if you ask him  Ithe’ll say applebee’s because he gets them mixed up), went and saw a movie called “into the woods. It was a little nerve racking, it’d been four years since i had a first date, and i wasn’t sure how to act. When i say “a little” i mean i was so nervous i was shaking like a chihuahua in the winter in Colorado. 

He could see it, and feel it when he held my hand.

Now there are a lot of moments i will remember for my whole life, the first time i read a Harry Potter book, the first time i drove as a legally licensed driver, the feeling i got when my mom when she looked at me with tears in her eyes with pride at my high school  graduation, but one that will forever be prominent in my mind for years to come  was the feeling of our first kiss. It as the best kiss i’d ever had at the time.

 Zachary and i are now living together and have a house we’re moving into at the beginning of next month, and i know one things for sure, he loves me.  There are several things he does that let me know he does. He tells me every day , he holds me when i cry, and cooks dinner with me. But what lets me know the most is one simple thing: the way he looks at me. Like i am the only woman on the planet. Like i am the only person in the world. 

To me, he is the only one who matters.

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