How could I not see…

I don’t know how I just realized this, but it devastated me in a heart beat. Here I am thinking about how much I miss my babies, how much I hate this setup we are in, the poor kids don’t even know what the hell is going on. But then I realize that you have to be separated from your little babies. God if there is one thing I am POSITIVE of beyond a shadow of a doubt, you love those kids more than ANYTHING in this world, and would do anything for them. And here I am, off fucking betraying you all, a pointless, selfish fucking disgusting act of betrayal, and you three are completely innocent, yet are all paying the price. Fuck my sorrow, fuck my guilt and shame and my pitty, look what I have subjected you guys to… None of you asked for this, you guys didn’t want to be separated, the kids don’t want to leave their mom for 2-3 days at a fucking time, I would like to think they feel the same way about me. And I know sure as hell you don’t want to say goodbye to your kids for 3 days, sleep alone, sit around and stair at the walls and wonder what they are doing. How could I do this!? Why didn’t I consider any of this….I am so sorry, saying sorry doesn’t even cut it, it doesn’t even describe how I feel or what I should be doing. But to my babies, and to you, I am forever sorry for this. We were supposed to be together always, inseparable, now we sleep alone and wonder…I can not undo what I have done, and this is the situation we are in now. But I can vow right now, that I will NEVER let ANYTHING in this world come between our family again, I will protect us from ANYONE AND EVERYONE who even poses as a threat to us. I swear to all three of you, I will go to my fucking grave before I or anyone hurts any of you ever again.

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