Stay focused, know my enemy.

So I am still flying high from yesterday, and cuddling with the kids, and this morning and all the hilarious stuff they do, when I’m actually paying attention. You sent me a picture of you, and as always it made my heart skip a beat, and you just looked so damn cute, I wanted to just crawl up next to you forever.  I am just trying to stay grounded here though. I can NEVER forget what I have been battling, I need to remember who my enemy is inside and out. And most important of all never underestimate him.  Don’t be foolish and think I’m somehow cured with some self realization and one therapy session. I just want to stay firmly planted in reality, this enemy is very good at manipulating, and I could already hear him saying “look you are cured, you don’t have to even try anymore” that is an evil plot to let me slide back in to that person I was without me even realizing it. Like I have told you before, I fucking see you! You WILL NOT manipulate me, or ruin what I am doing, you will not win. I will stay conscious of the fact this is a DAILY battle. One that if I win has the greatest rewards I have ever felt, that of which I had a small glimpse of yesterday.  I hope that someday you are simply a figment, a ghost, someday I will throw you in to the “memory dump” (inside out), and you will dissolve and blow away with the wind. But until that day I will treat you like an infection, one I must stick to a strict daily treatment regimen. Being aware is half the battle, making the will power to fight and subdue is the rest. So sorry if you were wanting to creep up and play today, because I am off with my babies for another perfect day!

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