What have I missed out on?

Today, omg today has been the best day I have had in a very long time. My god, is this what I have been missing out on?! Is this what I have held back from? I am an absolute fool if so. All I had to do was let go and be me, shit it takes 10x the effort to be a flatline withdrawn selfish asshole then what today was. My poor little baby girl, I almost felt like a stranger with her today…I have ignored this poor little girl for nearly 5 years now, how in the hell could I do this? What have I gained in the last 5 years from being completely self absorbed and withdrawn? Ha well I know what I have almost lost and destroyed… She is the sweetest little thing I have ever met, she is so damn smart, she is so genuine, she is passionate, devoted, I have talked to my little girl more tonight then I probably have in the past year…it breaks my heart…I will never ever put her  little needs aside again. Fuck my pointless shit I thought was so important. The way she looks at me, the look of pure happiness and joy on her face when I actually LOOK at her, and give her the time of day is the best thing I have ever felt…today marks the day that I vow to this little girl, and to myself to NEVER be who I was again. She needs her daddy, and I will ALWAYS be there for her, my shit can wait, and wait, and wait. I love you so much little baby, today was such an amazing day, and I want everyday from now on to be like it, and I will make that happen. And to you, wow.  We drove around aimlessly, before we knew it two hours had passed…you made me genuinely laugh more then I have in a long time, I was able to open up to you, we TALKED, communicated, gave each other shit….there is not ANYTHING on this earth I would have rather done for those two hours…I feel the same with you, is this what I have missed out on for 5 years…is it what I have deprived you of for 5 years?…it felt so right, so perfect today. That is where I want to spend the rest of my life. I want to be able to talk about issues like we did today, talk about OTHER people’s shit, make fun of each other, laugh, CRY if we need to…all I had to do was allow myself to be vulnerable, and trust you…that’s what I am doing. And I will do anything to earn yours. You looked so fucking beautiful today. I maaaay have creepily staired at you a couple times when you weren’t looking… Haha. Thank you so much for giving me a chance today, as I know it wasn’t easy. I agree, today was good 🙂

 

PS Sorry bro bro, this one is about my girls 😉

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