Should I stay?

I’m scared of what the future holds. I really am. I don’t know what to think. I’m worried where I’m going to live. I’m worried if I’ll even have a place to live. Will me and Alex still be together? Will he stop drinking? Will he get a job to support us? I have no idea. I wish he would stop drinking. He’s slowly becoming an alcoholic. He needs to drink everyday or else he sweats and sleeps all day and is mean. He won’t get help for anything. His addiction, his depression/anxiety/ADHD none of it. It’s really killing me emotionally, and now physically I can’t eat, I sleep a lot more I don’t do anything fun.  It sucks. I have a job interview tomorrow. I’m praying I get this because I really really need this, I need money for Caleb and I. I need to have a savings account. One that Alex can’t access. And if I get this job it’ll help me get back my sanity.  And not get stir crazy from being home all the time. I promise to Caleb I’m going to do whatever I can to make him have a happy childhood. I want Alex to be around but if he continues to drink and not get help for his depression and all then the best thing for Caleb would be to leave the situation. That doesn’t mean Alex can’t see Caleb, he can still see him as long as there is another adult around and he isn’t drunk or high. I just feel bad for my son because if I were to leave Alex he wouldn’t make any effort to spend time with Caleb. That hurts, I hurt for my son all the time, he’s too young to know what’s going on but I have to tell him the truth when he’s older and asks where his daddy is and why he doesn’t want to see him. I just want what’s best for my little boy, even if it’ll kill me leaving Alex, what matters the most is Caleb. I got to do what’s right. If Alex doesn’t change soon I got to do it.

One thought on “Should I stay?”

  1. I think you know what you need to do, for your son and yourself. If you have to ask yourself those things, you know he is not going to change, you are just hanging on to every last bit of hope you can. Its a woman thing. Keep your head up, I hope you find the courage you are looking for.

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