There is no way to adequately convey how sad I feel that my husband won’t make making love A priority. I always… ALWAYS have to initiate it. I’m stuck with pre-planning so that everything that can impede the process is already done. I work hard to remove all obstacles… From dinner plans… To communicating with the kids hours in advance that they will be going to bed at a decent hour… To ensuring a wide range of personal grooming items are performed well in advance of the evening… I leave nothing to chance in the hopes my husband will taxi straight down the runway I have prepared for him… No… For US.
Unfortunately, it seldom if ever really yields any consistent results. And at the end of the day… I’m still turning out to be the one initiating.
This is feels so backwards!!! I thought the typical dysfunction was supposed to happen like this…but in reverse!! So… To compound my frustration of not being sexually relieved… I am growing increasingly ashamed that my husband does not want me.
I struggle with the thoughts about what he must be doing and where height be obtaining his sexual pleasure when he’s clearly not motivated, with any consistency whatsoever, in getting it from me.
I struggle … almost daily … with trust, resentment, anger and sorrow.
So so tired of crying myself to sleep.
So tired of waiting for him to initiate sex.
Really tired of initiating myself… Only to be rejected.
Don’t know what to do anymore. My husband comes up with one excuse after another. He’s either incredibly lazy about this topic or worse completely tragically uninterested.
Lost in Paradise