My Different Lives

So I’m lying next to Sandra (the woman I’ve been having an affair with for 2 years) as I’m typing this, obviously she’s asleep.

I can’t sleep, I woke up thinking about Jaycie, a 20 year old co-worker, who I have come to find very appealing. Normally I date women my age or older, but she has something that is really messing with my head. She’s not only physically beautiful but has a great heart and awesome personality.

A few days ago, we went on our first date(more like a I can’t sleep, let’s do something kind of thing) we  went for drive in the country, where the oil wells are, it was a starry night and weather was perfect for a night out. We talked for a little while to try to get to know more about each other. Well, I told her as much as I wanted her to know. No one really knows me, they might know part of me because I want them to know that about me,even though I don’t lie about who I am, I don’t tell everything about me.

As the night went on, we got closer, physically and emotionally, I held her tight, as I was sitting on the tailgate of my pick-up, she was standing in front of me, I picked her up, lied down  and placed her on top of me and we both hugged, I rubbed her back and she was enjoying it. The lower part of her back felt good to the touch, it tight, lean, untouched,no scars, no stretch marks, it felt new. At that point I started to thing about ducks riding bicycles and holding plates on their heads, otherwise my penis would wake up and and she’d think that all want is sex and that’s not necessarily true. I cheat on everyone but I do respect women in that regard, I feel like my job is to make women feel good, loved, wanted, pretty…(yet I stopped doing that for my wife about a year ago).

Oh yes, did I mention I’m married? Well, I am and have three beautiful children with her. She’s a beautiful women, inside and out and doesn’t deserve me. I have hurt her so much that can’t understand why she’s still with me. I have cheated so many times that I lost count about two years after we got married(we’ve been married for 15 years) I never made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for me, always took care of business at home, until recently, and that’s not good.

I’ve always worked away from home and that’s how I get my freedom.      I’m not sure why do what I do, and although I’m not looking for an answer here, I feel like can’t hold anymore secretes.

Well, shit ! Sandra’s awake, I have to go now.

I will have more stories to tell in the future, I’m sure there will be some new adventures and some old untold stories I’ve been keeping for a long time. I’m exhausted from looking for a website where I could express my thoughts and feelings to strangers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “My Different Lives”

  1. Not good, I haven’t seen her in a while, I don’t text her either.. I’m thinking that I’m over her. I like challenges but she isn’t one, it’s more like she’s immature,I asked her if she wants me to forget about the whole thing we started and she said “no, keep talking to me” and I just can’t handle the confusion. also she got hurt once and won’t let her guard down. I just don’t know if want to deal with that. She is very attractive thought- inside and out.

    Have you heard from Colombia?

  2. I write in Spanish because my friend Colombia reads my posts 😉
    we got a weird relationship it’s like FWB without sex. That’s the reason we broke up.. He only knows about me through this window, where I fill up with all my feelings and how I discovered them thanks to him.. Also when I get mad at him and I write about it.. But it’s kind of complicated to explain for outsiders how our relationship works or worked 🙂 since I asked him not to send me any message at all =<

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