SO I dont reqlly want to take the time to writre anything. I dont want to have to do anything to get anything done. I dont want to do laundry but i have to make sure my husband knows i can be a good housewife so hell keep me. Thats a whole thing though.
My husband works really hard to “put food on the table.” Ya know.. provide for my son and I. Currently he’s looking around for a temporary place to call home. We have lived on our own before but that didnt work out. I am so not explaining that one AGAIN. I think ive told that story a thousand times.
Right now, I am not so sure about my married life. Its rocky, but thats all my fault because I went through a tiny fit of rage and got back into drugs. Thats for another day as well.
My husband is staying with his parents… yea.
I am living with my mother in her tiny ass apartment.
My husband is an alcoholic. He drinks everyday after he gets off work. Sometimes he gets belligerent some times he.. okay well there are a few different ways he gets while drinking. Angry.. breaks things, punches holes.
Tickly.. wants to be funny and is flirting with me, but tickles a bit too hard.
I am not in a good mood today..
ive been off my medicine for about a week now.
I dont have a car, no friends. I have drug friends i can go see but i need money for that. the whole sitch there is too dangerous now though. I cant lose my husband and if i get caught fucking around in corn town again it’s over. He gave me 20 bucks but if i spend it on anything other than my medicine tomorrow and the next day I no longer have a husband or the best future ahead of me.
Thats one thing… I came so close.. i am still close to losing the most comfortable lifestyle that i used to dream about. It can all be mine.
as long as i stay away from the drugs. Cocaine. Heroin. And dont abuse my Xanax.
I shoot everything straight into my bloodstream.
I have to stop stealing money from him and my mother. I have to stop stealing his truck and moms car to get to Corn Town to shoot these things and hang out with all the wrong people.
I dont know whats wrong with me. My husband is dedicated to my son and I. WOuld never stray.
Things arent exactly the way that i want them right this second and thats why I feel the need to cut open my flesh until I see those blue blown veins of mine.
I have been a cutter since I was younger. I am 24 now. I think its been over 10 years now. My body reeks of scarred puffy tan skin.
Today is my sons third birthday. He is with his father 3 towns over. This sitch kind of goes along with the long ass story about how my husband and i lost our first house. I suppose ill explain at some point. Husband and i had him over the weekend and celebrated it in the normal family way.
Cookout. Toy from Walmart. Ice cream cake with a candle and swimming.
Sometimes I see myself in this normal way of life.
no needles, no caps, no cottons, no hits, no looking out, no spoons, no tar, no hard, no vinegar, no water bottles you shouldnt drink out of.
potty training, laundry, cleaning, cooking, movies on the couch, dinner dates on friday nights, packing lunches, puzzles and school photos.
It will be a very comfortable life .
Please dont get me wrong.
I LOVE my husband and my son.
I am giving up all that crap for them. I will take my medicine the way i need to and not get depressed and depress my husband. Thats one thing that bothers him the most is me not being able to support him because i am almost positive he thinks i am being selfish.