my life is horrible and i hate myself

well i cant breath because i am currently or have been having  severe asthma attacks over the past week that have been affecting me negatively its hard for me to even walk down the stairs or up the stairs without having a hard time breathing even when i do my medication to ease the wheezing a little its like it isnt working so i can breath a little and i also have been eating very small portion for the past 3 weeks because im afraid im going to get bigger people try to make me feel better and say im not big but i am i am current 118 pounds and i am going to start the 9th grade this year i feel like i will be scared and do something dumb in class i have extreme anxiety and i cant really do anything right and im not smart at all and im a fat disgusting pig everytime i look at my body and my face i feel completely revulsed and disgusted by myself i dont know what it is but i feel disgusting i feel completely disguste by my self everyday and sometimes i cant take look at myself in the mirror longer than 10 seconds and sometimes when i look at myself i think about everything that happens to me and break down in tears  i know what people say about being unique but i just hate myself completely to be honest and true feel angry at my old self and current self i want to strive to be successful so bad but something always pulls me down and i lose that motivation i wanna be something i want to help change the world and do something beneficial but i know i cant at least 2 of my teachers have gotten so frustrated working with me one of my teachers yelled and told me listen to what im saying instead of dozing off i know all my teachers get frustrated with me but i still try its just like i have huge lump of doubt caught up in my stomach and throat i feel like i am lower and disgusting ………….i know there is a lot of spelling mistakes and error but i just need to rant my system out

One thought on “my life is horrible and i hate myself”

  1. Hi,

    Sometimes you just need to rant 🙂

    Trust me, you look fine. I was the same weight as you when I was in 9th grade. It’s because girl’s hit puberty earlier. I didn’t really gain much – stayed about 125. Everyone’s different. As long as you feel healthy!

    I am sorry to hear that you aren’t receive the support you want. I am sure that your teachers care about but sometimes they’ve got bad days too – days where they don’t want to be patient or understanding. Sometimes just let it go, other times talk to someone like a parent or the principal.

    High school can be tough, but remember that you are always loved and always supported. You may not feel like that sometimes but you are on earth for a reason.

    If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to stop comparing yourself to others. Be confident in who you are – be kind and caring and work hard.Forgive. Love others and Love yourself. It will make high school and life a lot easier.

    My heart aches for your lack of peace. Praying for you and wishing you the best in your future.

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