Who am i? Savaunnah…? No! I fuck up.

Hi my name is Savaunnah….wow, what a weird way to start my journal. Isn’t it funny how we greet ourselves when you meet someone for the first time. I sat here trying to figure out a way to start my journal and there just isn’t going to be any right way. This is pretty much just going to be my place to vent and figure out who I am as a person, because honestly I have no fucking idea. Which is pretty funny to me. If you think about it society puts you through school so you get an education and you know who you are by the time you are done with it , your suppose to know who you want to be and what you want to do with the rest of your life. But, I have no idea what I want to do with my life or who I want to be for the matter. How can someone be happy with being just one thing throughout their whole life? Part of me feels like that is a really shitty intro….Anyways, now that I have gotten off subject, let’s try this again. Who am i? ……Well I guess you could say that i’m a drug addict. That’s the start of it. I spent my whole high school life instead of having fun with friends and doing what a young teenager should do, doing drugs, partying, lying to my family and the people that mean the most to you. You know whats the shittiest part about drugs…It’s like you know that your hurting the people around you and you know that you should stop…But, it just calls your name and you are willing to sacrifice everything just the feel that power. The thing with drug is when you are under the influence of them, you feel so powerful, like you can do anything. Like nothing can ruin how you feel and whatever anyone has said to you about your life just doesn’t matter because in that moment. your instoppable.  I know that I just change the subject alot and i’m all over the place. It’s just I don’t really know how to start. I guess it started when I was born. My mother wasn’t really on the nominees list for best mom. Which part of me understand because she was only 15 and at that point in time in your life you really don’t know what you want your just living in the moment being a little kid. She didn’t know what she was doing. Which is why she up and left, and I was pretty much raised by my grandma and aunt, (plus her 4 little evil ass kids). If you can really call it being raised….but anyways, she left she wanted to go to college and figure herself out. She was trying to get on the right track..Some people who do drugs. can never fully get off the road of doing drugs. Ha! What can I say like mother like daughter right? When i was little I used to look up to her, I used to get so excited when she would come and visit me once a year.  But that once a year turned into just phone calls, and then those phone calls turned into never hearing from her. I didn’t know what to think I was only 5 years old when i stopped hearing from her…Now, I know it was just her druggie ways…back then i thought she just didn’t care anymore…One day I got a phone call, and it was her, telling me how much she misses me and how she can’t wait to see me soon, and I remember being so happy hearing her voice, knowing that my mom still cared and she didn’t forget about me. Next thing i know i was stuck on a plane moving back to new jersey to go live with this woman who I honestly barely know. Thankfully my amazing grandma decided to escort me too. Wow, starting to get really emotional so i think we are done writing for tonight…My name is savaunnah. this is who I became who I am today. to be continued….(I always hated when shit got ended like that, and now i’m doing it wow.) Irony!

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