Sat August 1 – Tues Aug 4

Saturday(admitted fault Tuesday night backporch with Casey) 12 pack bud + 2 tall buds +eighth pot – lake day with friends. Asked Kevin if he thought we should head home. Kevin says “It’s not about me it’s about our daughter”(uh, duh).. I said “You’re absolutely right!” So he tells me to get Claire changed and into dry clothes and load up the truck. By the time I finish this he has started a game of football with the kids. Claire was really tired and cranky and only wanted Kevin to hold her. He continued to play ball while she either was throwing a fit because she couldn’t get him or when I tried to distract her she’d bolt off into the middle of 15 teenagers and get knocked down. I was bitchy towards him and reminded him we were supposed to be leaving. He made a scene and told everyone I was ‘making him leave’, refused to let me drive even though he was drunk, and proceeded to bitch me out for the entire hour and a half ride home. Then when we got here he continued talking shit to me as he played Madden in the living room and I lay in bed crying wishing I could leave. He drove to pick up bud around 11pm and passed out on the couch shortly after he got home.

Sunday – did his usual – I didn’t do anything wrong – but I may actually contribute to things around the house or with claire today- might even be nice to you – routine he does after his drunk screw ups. Laid around the house hungover all day. He went grocery shopping later (I ALWAYS have to do the shopping). I isolated myself in the bedroom all day so that he wouldn’t try and apologize because I didn’t want to hear that bullshit and we would start fighting.

Monday – Kevin had said he was taking Claire to his Moms in the morning so I can attend to the extensive lists of tasks I need to accomplish before starting my new job the 24th. He overslept(as he does every day) and didn’t take her. Our house was a disaster as I’d kind of ‘gone on strike’ as to cleaning up after any of his crap because he doesn’t help out around the house and doesn’t realize what a slob he is but expects it to be spic n span. I stewed in anger all day. I made the most of it by spending time with my sunshine (playing/learning), running a couple of errands, and then (reluctantly) set my daughter up in front of the TV because I had a phone call I HAD to make. FOUR HOURS LATER my call was completed but my call was unsuccessful and very upsetting. Kevin came home after work and saw me crying and spent about 2 minutes being concerned. Then he left to do a side job and didn’t get home until 9 and flipped out because I hadn’t cleaned the house or warmed up dinner(not that I had any idea when he would be home). He had 3 25oz budweisers and had bought another eighth when he got home. He screamed in front of Claire to the point of making her cry. I did my usual ‘flight’ b/c I knew no other way to make him stop in front of her. After her sobbing profusely for 10 minutes straight (our kid does not fuss. I don’t put up with that crap) I went in and comforted and calmed her, finishd her bath and get her dressed for bed.

Tuesday – Left a $20 bill and some bud for me(unusual). I called him and told him he has a drinking problem and that I had no choice but to leave if he couldn’t resolve it. I had made plans to leave the night before but my daughter was already asleep – so we were going to be leaving Tuesday to stay at a family friends house for a few nights until I could figure out a better situation for my daughter.


He’s home – have to finish Tuesday later

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