Worthit or Worthless

Please tell me I’m not the only one who battles with sudden feelings of whether I’m worthy of being loved or worthless in that capacity. I have found someone who has no reservation in telling me how he feels about me. I feel as though I’ve longed to hear the very words coming out of his mouth and I want to believe him but I’m just scared that yet again I will be left. I have emotions just like every other person but always having to be tough not only for myself but for my friends and family has caused me to almost shut down whenever emotions are brought up yet alone discussed. I have such rich feelings for him but when I fall for someone I fall hard, sometimes faster and harder than I probably should. When he asked me about how I felt about him and what we were, I just wanted to lay it all on him and let him know that these past couple months have been a blessing and I thank God for him every night but “I don’t know”, “its complicated” and a lot of “buts” are all I could come up with. I’m so conflicted, I want to be openly honest with him but I’m not completely ready to be vulnerable with anyone any time soon. I’m sitting here torn between being positive about us but doubting everything little detail due to previous failed relationships. I’ve always been very confident but I shrivel up like a prune when I think about someone being able to love me for the person I truly am. I have never had to filter how I really am when I’m with him but even then, am I good enough? This sounds like a very somber entry but I’ve come to the realization I am good enough. I deserve love and happiness with all the dressings just like every other person. If you ever wonder if you are ever good enough, you are. You always have been and always will be. I have battled with self-esteem and self-worth issues since I was a child but I refuse to allow my insecurities to barricade me away from someone who is blessing to have in my life. God has given me a blessing and I will not allow his blessing to go unnoticed.

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