This cellular will be the death of me.

Today was just a rough day. I had a great morning, got quite a bit done, got to hug and kiss my little girl, see Jack sleeping, give you and the babes some goodies 🙂 then throughout the day for some reason my mind started wandering and turning on me. It’s hard not being able to text you all the time like we used to. You used to text me throughout the day, just little things here and there, things of course I didn’t appreciate near enough. But now I know, all those little texts I got from you meant you were thinking of me… This is where it gets hard, I don’t know if you are just limiting your contact with me, and how much you open up to me, or if you really just don’t think about me that much anymore… I am trying more and more to be respectful, and not text you constantly, I should have got the hint when you always reply with very short and impersonal responses… It just really kind of tore me up tonight, what I wouldn’t give to just receive a smiley from you, or a kiss text, or a “what are you doing?” But I know that this is a need that I think I want filled, but you aren’t in a place to do this. Whether it be because you don’t think of me, or are holding back, it doesn’t matter, I haven’t earned that from you.  And again I think my expectations are way to high, as you do still text me, you send me pictures of the kids, often. And I get that. I do have to get this off my chest too tho, a lot of the texts you initiate seem to be you asking me to do something for you, so you can go do something with someone else. This kills me too, every time. I am just not the person you want to be doing fun stuff with… At least not at this time. And I really truly don’t mind helping you out in those situations, but I can’t help but want to be the person you want to be somewhere with, doing anything… Ugh and as I’m writing this I realize that I am being a little (a lot?)ridiculous, you have given me more opportunity in the past week then I deserved… I just think about you constantly, I am always thinking about what I could do for you to make you happy, and things we could do as a family for fun.  I miss you guys like crazy, I miss you unbelievably… The pictures you sent me tonight of the kids, and when you told me we had beautiful babies, I instantly broke down because I miss coming home to you guys every night. I hope one day you will miss me the same way. But looking back, what was there for you to miss? Idk, I guess that’s all for tonight. Kind of just a lame pitty party.

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