First entry

This is not new to me at all, but Im somewhat surprised anyway. Maybe It’s me, idk? But I really thought that this time it was different. Something extraordinary. Perhaps even Faith..

I met a lot of guys, but It’s really rare that I meet someone that I actually like.

Im very picky when it comes to looks and maybe It’s because Im not really sure of what I want. I usually don’t fall for someone untill I get to know them. That might take a while though since Im not that out going and my social skills are really damaged from my past.

But this one time I’d only have to look at his picture and I just knew..

I feel so silly for saying something like that. You can’t fall in love with someone from looking at their picture.. That’s not possible.

But it sure felt like what happened and as the days went by and we started “talking” more I found myself smiling just by the thought of him.

His screen name was “talldude” something. He was amazingly kind and sweet to me. He made me feel like I was special to someone, for the first time in a very long time.

He used to tell me how gorgeous and beautiful he thought I were. And he would sometimes send me little video messages, talking about the two of us meeting some day. He told me that he would have me in his life for ever and that he loved me. I felt that too..

But then he disconnected from the chat shortly after and now Im stuck in this empty space all alone.

I feel sad and stupid for believing anything he ever told me, but yet I still want to.. Believe that is.

I feel angry and confused and so freaking embarrased, by the fact that I let him into my life. Into my head to just fuck everything up and then leave without saying goodbye. Like he never really existed in the first place.

Ive actually thought of that.. If It’s just my imagination? But if that’s the case I think I might need some serious help!

Now Im torturing myself a little more. Im gonna watch one of those video messages he send me. One more time, so I can feel a little worse than I already do.

Isn’t it funny, that the time when you actually feel most Alive, is when you Hurt…

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