I didn’t mean to go so long between posts. I meant to make this a journal that I would keep up with. I’m not 100% sold on the formatting of this website though.
Anyway, an update. When I last posted, I had just been dumped by my husband of only 2 months. Well I am totally fine with that now. We’ve handled most of the social stuff. He’s moved into a new apartment with a friend. His friends took his side, and my friends took mine, as they should.
I have a new boyfriend now. It’s weird. It started out as just sex, but it seemed more like a relationship, so I finally agreed to call it that. I feel like it should be too fast for all of that, but I’m happy with my new guy.
I am also mildly insane. I’m worried that I might be pregnant… not by my husband. What a way to wreck a relationship right? Everything is going so well with my new guy. I’ll call him E. Well my period is almost a week late, and that has never happened before, so I’m starting to worry. I did a pregnancy test a couple days ago, and it was negative, but my period still hasn’t started. I also took the test in the middle of the day, and I know the most effective time is the morning, so I figure I’ll give it a few more days and then test in the morning.
I don’t feel panicked though. I feel like this thought should terrify me, but in the past three months I have learned that the impossible happens, and I just have to learn to cope with it. What is weird though is that I’m not 100% set on abortion. I’m considering keeping a baby should I get pregnant… That’s strange. I’ve never wanted children, and I just got dumped by my husband. Now I have a new boyfriend, and I’m about to get a roommate to share the expenses with me. Logically, I should have an abortion or risk the well-being of the child.
In my head though, I feel like the guy I’m with would be a great father. He’s responsible and caring, and I know that he would help raise his child whether he was in love with me or not. I do feel like I’m getting ahead of myself though. In all probablity, I am NOT pregnant. I am just late because this is the first month I’ve been off birth control in 5 years. It’s dumb, I know, to have unprotected sex when I’m not on birth control. It’s a really stupid thing to do, but I’ve not been in the best place lately. I’m waiting on my period to schedule my appointment with the doctor to get back on birth control.
I’ve been thinking about my future a lot lately. Life is so complicated. Rushing into a new relationship was NOT my intention at all, but I thought it would be stupid to pass up on this opportunity with E, when he makes me really happy. I enjoy spending time with him. We get along really well, and we have similar goals and interests. Do I really need to go sleep around before I decide on who to be in a relationship with? I know that I don’t enjoy being single, but I also don’t NEED a relationship. I’m not scared of losing him. I am capable of being alone. I just don’t want to be.