I need this

I think It’s funny how people always seems to get so exited about going on vacation.

I’ve always hated it. 6 weeks of misery, forced into spending “quality” Time with the one man I couldn’t stand to even look  at, and the woman Who did never really notice me at all.. Siblings that are always arguing, action out and making it all even more stressful.

I remember when my parents were still living together. How he one time spend months planning this big family vacation and it was suppose to bring us close, but it ended up with him nearly beating the last breath out of her.

I was 14 and I hated her. Maybe I even hated her more than I hated him.

He’s a psychopath -he can’t help that he is.

She knew it and she let it all happen time after time after god damn time.

That day, when he did that I left the retreat. I simply ran of and went to get high. I didn’t really care what he did to her at that point. I just wanted to get away so I did.

I don’t know why they notice, they never did before. But for some reason he went out looking for me that night, when he had finished with her and eventually he found me.

I had to go back with him. I didn’t want to, but I felt some kind of responsebility I guess. I couldn’t have left the little ones with that.

Since then I distanced myself even more and I never went on a family vacation again.

I haven’t been on vacation since really. I guess It’s about time I do.

I think I need to go back to that place we went 13 years ago. I can’t explain why and for some it might seem weird that I would want to go back. But I really feel like I need that to close the door for good.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I got some time off work in september, and I have made the arrangements really so.. It’s gonna be strange seeing that place again, such a beautiful and calming place, I were never able to enjoy because of them.

 

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