things are going good for the most part. I have my moments where I’m just like ah fuck this I hate my life I can’t stand it blah blah blah. Then I have my moments where I am enjoying myself and the company around me that I’m so content and happy and think about positive things for a while. I went to the doctor well whoever prescribed medicine for like mental illness, I got put on trazodon or however you spell it, because my stress level is super high and I toss and turn at night not being able to sleep well, and I wake up feeling tired still in the morning. Then I went to Panera bread with my sister, my niece and Caleb. We had fun and ate delicious food. Then I went to therapy and it went well. Let’s me get out my feelings or what I’ve been holding in. Someone I can trust knowing not to say anything to anyone. It’s great. Whatever you say stays in that room unless it’s about wanting to kill someone or yourself or hurting yourself or others. I understand that. I feel okay but my back has been hurting from picking up Caleb so much. He always wants to be held. He’s 15 months old, I can’t hold him all the time. And when I put him down he cries and throws a tatrum. He throws himself on the floor screams and hits the air and kicks and sometimes he will hit me. When he does that I put him in his play pen and say ” you don’t hit”  and he usually cries for a couple minutes but after that he usually calms down and watches whatever is on tv or plays with the toys in the play pen. I have been eating okay, I don’t really consider myself eating healthy but at least I’m eating something. I’m tired now good night

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