Diarrhea

So today is day 7 complete if my tapering schedule. I am down to 6 a day, 6!!! That’s down from an average of about 20 a day.  I have not slipped up once yet. I am still working on the ritual aspect of it, I am trying to get in the routine of dosing just to dose, and not to get a high and do my ritual, this is a little hard, and tomorrow I am really going to try and work on this one big time.  The lower dose I’m on now is a little harder as well, but my body seems to be adjusting ok. I definitely feel it at times. But it’s manageable, and I have taken zero extras, which is huge.  I am definitely worried about going down to 4 a day, especially since it’s on our trip to Sacramento. But I am only going to take my alotted amount for those two days, so I think being away will be good. And the fact that I will be with the kids will be a huge help. You have served as HUGE inspiration, and a wealth of strength to me. You told me you support me through this, and want to see me succeed, you will never know what those words mean to me at this time. I finally understand what it means to have someone’s support, I now know what it means when you tell me you want me to open up to you about this. And in that understanding, I draw true determination and self discipline. At times, I have wanted to fast track, and just get this over with, but I am trying to remain patient, let my body and mind adjust, I am trying to set myself up to succeed. There is still that voice in my head that pops up, especially in the hard times like missing the kids or you, and that voice tells me to just take a few extra, and it will be so much easier. But I am getting better and better and reasoning with it, and remembering that this addiction has brought me, and my family nothing but pain, and must be laid to rest. So, day 7 done, staying positive, remembering that a little suffering that I will go through, will gain me so much, it is truly my freedom hanging in the balance. And thank you, so much for being there for me, it has served as my lifeline.

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