Insecurity

When life gives you lemons..you better squeeze them shits in your eyes and pray for better days. I don’t know where to begin. I feel as though whatever I have to say others have written it, explained it and broke it down until it could only be swept up and thrown away. I tried to cover my depression in my last writing. Entry, but I ended up rambling about shit that didn’t matter. Now this is public because I know that somewhere out there someone may read this because they’re bored or happened to stumble upon this. Insecurity for me was a deep part of who I was. It was like a shell inside a shell that lived inside of me and no matter how badly I wanted to shake it, I couldn’t. My insecurity filled my head with the worst things. I just recently discovered I have an inferiority complex as well. My insecurity was like the doom and gloom someone pushed on you. It was like the dark cloud rushing towards the sun to mock it. My insecurity was like a blanket covering deep cuts, wounds and scars but every hole in the blanket revealed how ugly the scars were. Trying to fight it was no use because no matter what I told myself or what others told me, I couldn’t shake it. I felt empty most days and my mind felt like it would explode from every thought that came in. It was a battle to be sane for me. Expressing myself go others was tough so I closed myself off to the world. I didn’t understand why I felt the way I felt. I knew childhood played a parylt and past things that have taken place, but it was so tiring having to feel so..me it was almost like my insecurity was who I was and like I’d never get rid of it. It was a struggle that I didn’t like that I wish I could erase like chalk on a blackboard but alas. It didn’t go away, it was there to remind me how I felt about myself. And how I’d always feel.

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