A winter, a man and a woman

It started over the winter. My husband had started talking more to people on Facebook, including old school flames. This did not bother me as I knew that he knew that I could log into his facebook account at any time. He must have forgotten. The messages were becoming more intimate with one and I friended her too so as to let her know that I was not obscure or not aware of his actions. She ended up being his first wife. He started saying things like ‘I love you’ and ‘You will always be my soul mate’. I confronted him and told him what she had told me, even though she didn’t say anything like that to me, about how  she was his soul mate etc. He denied it and told me that she gets drunk and doesn’t know half the time what she says. I knew better. I have been talking to her in email and on facebook.

I let it slide but had it in my memory bank that I like to call my brain. He went on to another person. She was his lover back in the day. She had kept some old photos of him all these years. I told him that she must really still care for him since she did that. She mailed them to him. He was thrilled. They kept talking and getting hotter. I did not want them to have to ‘cheat’ so I made an offer. This would also benefit me too. I offered to be a polyamory relationship. She could have him whenever she wanted, when she came up as long as they tell me. Keep promises and be honest with me.

The night my dad wasn’t doing so good and I knew he wouldn’t last another day, I needed my husband to hold me and comfort me but instead he stayed on the computer until after 1am talking to her. My dad died that morning at 4 am. I was very upset with him as he was already putting her before me.

The last time was when she and him were going to spend the day together. I asked him to please call me when he got with her at the coffee shop and also let me know if he was going to spend the night, by 9 or 10. That way I could go to sleep and not worry. He promised me.

Well he never called me when they met for coffee to start their day. I waited around 5pm-he was to meet her at 1pm. I then texted him a few times and finally called him. He picked up the phone and didn’t say he was sorry but instead, he made a comment to her about how his phone didn’t always receive calls. Then he hung up.  No ‘I love you’ or anything.  I guess I inconvenienced him.

That night at 11pm, I called him again. I had to try three times and he finally answered.  He sounded sort of out of wind but it could have just been me, feeling very frustrated, hurt and ANGRY. I told him thank you for calling me and I hope he is having a great time Fu**ing her as the thought of me must have never entered his mind.

When he got home after my call, which by the way must have been far away as it took him two hours to get home, I asked him to come to bed and hold me. Which he did. The next morning I told him how I felt but to him it was the fact that he should never had accepted such an arrangement. How I would have loved to do it back to him that moment. But who was I going to meet? No one close by that was for sure.

So he promised that he would let he know that he had to be done with her and that I was his love and that he had hurt me and couldn’t do that again.

Did he ever tell her? NOPE! He kept writing and texting her. He would delete his text so if I looked at his phone she would not be on it.

In my mind, I added up all the times he is still not there for me when I have asked him. He isn’t texting me or saying the things he ususally said. Also he flatly refused to show me his phone and as he said ‘I don’t know what good it would be to look at my phone when I can always delete it’. Why say that?

So the next night when he was asleep  and took his time ‘looking at facebook’, he said, that I went out to the living room and took a look see for myself. Sure enough! There were messages going back two weeks. It was sounding like he was going to leave me the next time she came up. The things he said to her were the same things he always said to me. They were also talking about erotic stuff and body parts.

I couldn’t handle it. I freaked out and got dressed, got in my car and drove. I wanted to die and would use a gun to do it. I shut off my phone then.


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