Worst Break Up Ever

Last night I got off work and checked my phone. My boyfriend said the dreaded words every woman is terrified of “we need to talk”. We do work opposite shifts me 8-5 AM and him 2-10 PM. We were just about to move in together and my son adores him even calls him daddy. Anyways I texted him back stating I was freaked out. He told me not to be freaked it was nothing like that. He ended up working until 3 AM and I was asleep drunk by then. Today he texted me like nothing had happened. I asked what he wanted to talk about so bad. He said our “spark” was dying out. Our spark was dying out are you kidding me! I am madly in love with this amazing man. He thinks our spark is dying out really? Granted lately being that I drive a hour for work in the morning and leave early so I am in bed early, and he always wants sex. He has complained the past few weeks about thinking I am no longer attracted to him. Well that is definitely not the case. I just love sleep and hate working tired. The night before he sent the text I also asked him not to watch porn on my very old laptop to avoid viruses. Details . . . (got home from work to my computer on my bed not shut down) opened my laptop and of course porn. After seeing that I checked my history lots and lots of porn timed just after I left for work that morning. I am a XXX addict and even I don’t use my laptop for porn my phone yes but not laptop. It is old. I asked him not to watch porn on here because I can’t afford a new laptop right now. That bothered him. Back to today now. After the “spark” text I asked if it was the sex or porn thing. He said it was not. By the end of that conversation he was coming to get his stuff and we were broken up. My heart ripped out and stomped on right in front of me. I started drinking at 1 in the afternoon. He got off work early and came with his brother to get his stuff. He had me stuck in a corner and kept trying to get me to talk this out with him. How can I talk when I can hardly breath and if I had spoken I would of broken down right there. I had to look strong. I pushed him back enough so I could get off the bed and ran outside. I heard him scream after me to come back. I just kept running. When I heard him leave I went back into my room and shut the door. He came back in and pinned me into the corner again. I could not hold it back any longer and started to break. When he tried to stop me this time I pushed past him forcefully. Ran into my sleeping sons room and dropped to the floor. After what seemed like a year (probably a minute) I heard them leave. I snuck out of my sons room and all his stuff was gone my spare key on my dresser. I locked my door and dropped onto my bed to finally break down completely. Half hour later tears almost done typing this. I did text him and tell him I was sorry when he is to close I can’t breath think or hold back the tears. No response. I love this man with everything within me. I do not know what I will do now I can’t sleep for crap alone. My son will ask for him all the time. Everytime I look at my mothers day gift or birthday gift from him I will break down for the first few weeks. I can not imagine going to work Monday and acting like everything is just fine. I am a Medical billing specialist I speak to upset people all day every day. I am going to either snap at some one or break down again. For right now I am safe from crying due to crying so much there are no tears left. Best friend is here now got to go!

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