In the end I built her up and she broke me down. Where’d my confidence go? can I really trust myself to love again? Who would love me like that? I feel like I don’t have much chance finding someone Id be interested in that would actually care for me back. There’s not much of anything that is attractive about me. I’m Friend material. Period. Nothing more. Seems like everyone I’ve ever liked has shot me down. Can someone really love me? I wouldn’t know. I know Jesus does and in him i’ll find love. But inside me, i am fighting longing for an actual relationship. My self esteem has wavered and grown to a little more than a flicker of dying embers. I want to return to before her. 4 years ago. Before I could chain my hopes to her feet and watch them get dragged across burned barren wasteland of dreams. I know I should be focusing on God here, but still my heart longs for what God has put in my heart. Ive heard stories and stories of people focusing on God and not worrying about relationships, and I believed them. I never thought it would be hard to do. I Understand now. Lord help me focus on you. I need you. Everyday. Every time I think of her, God i need you. When I begin to bring myself down, Lord do I need you. Help me focus on you.