Allow me to take you three years back….
I was in a relationship with the Knight for a year already. To this day I keep saying that he is the one exception in my life where everything went right. Before, I had been either in complicated relationships with men I was in love with or stable relationships with men I had never loved in the first place. I got together with him after being friends for 4 years. It was like my perfect little fairy tale. We fell in love with each other at the same time. Both of us shared a sense for big words and drama, so it all felt like a romantic stage play. He once said “In love, there is no conquering involved, it’s more like running through open doors”. That’s what it felt like. I’ve never been so in love with and yet so comfortably myself around a person ever before.
I still sometimes look at him and think of how surreal it is, having him belong to me. He was as perfect for me as anyone can be. Every day he cooked for me, sometimes twice, while I finished work for my master thesis. We had the same image of what our future should look like. We both wanted our own little family, a house with a garden and some cats.
Of course, as we learned from P.S. Beagle, there is no such thing as a happy ending, and if there was, it could not come in the middle of the story.
After the first flame burnt down, I was often annoyed at his lack of ambition. He only worked on weekends, having the rest of the week to himself to play video games. I can’t say that I wasn’t a little envious too. Also, there was never any point of view for him besides his own. Luckily we were of the same opinions in all the important questions, but if not, he was relentlessly stubborn. I soon grew tired of talking against a wall.
There was even the point of him being too much like me. When I freaked out about something, he did so too, so he was never there to calm me down. Sometimes I just need someone to tell me to chill out, give me all the facts and convince me of how it will all turn out alright.
However, every long term relationship has some issues, and ours were pretty normal. What was most important was that we were heading in the same direction with our lives and we were determined to do so together.